Psychologist vs. Psychologist

(A photo of my son when he gets what he wants... he would grab the camera and break it if I tried taking a picture of him when he was not at his best)

So, of course this is bound to happen... the more people you talk to, the more conflicting information you receive. How does this help? It doesn't. It just confuses you even more.

I got a call back from the Clinical Psychologist that I emailed and left a message for last week. We spoke over the phone at length about my situation with my son and his "non verbal" behavior. I had sent him an email to get him up-to-speed before I actually spoke with him. Sometimes it's easier to write than to keep explaining things over the phone. Anyhow, he believes that we need intervention asap! Yeah! Although it would normally be SEPTEMBER when I could get an appointment to see him in person, he is going to work on some things for me and we will correspond through email and over the phone until he can find a spot to fit us in. Sooner than September. Hearing this, kind of makes me relieved to know that I'm not the only one who is facing difficulties... there are other people out there who know what I'm going through and can support me through this journey.

In our lengthy 2 hour telephone conversation, the Dr., who admittedly cannot diagnose without seeing the child, gave a couple of possible scenarios. Which is basically what we have been discussing in the past. I said to the Dr., "I don't necessarily feel that we need a diagnosis, I need to know how to deal with this behavior and how to help Spencer with coping skills." He agreed that a diagnosis only puts a label on the matter and we still will have a lot of work to do. He is devising a plan! Thank Goodness!! Step one though is this:

• We have to make it more beneficial for S to use his "words" because right now, he doesn't have to! We are at his beck and call 24/7... unless it's something we truly can't figure out... we play the guessing game, all day long.


• We reward positive behavior (with a high-five or a tickle).


• If he asks for something (ie. treats) we give it to him... if he asks for more - we have to ask him to say one word (ie. candy or please) in order to get it. If he doesn't say the word, he doesn't get it. This way, he gets something, but he also realizes that he could get more if he uses his "words"

To the average person... this sounds pretty simple. But, try living in a house with a chronically inflexible, explosive child and see how easy it is. Temper tantrums will come at the expense of not getting that second piece of candy and it's not always easy to keep your composure.

Now, a lot of what the clinical psychologist told me was not necessarily going against what Dr. Ross Greene says in his book, but challenges some of it. I'm going to stick with whoever gives me the most help, which at this moment, is the clinical psychologist.

We tried the "one word" scenario last night. At snack time, the boys had snacks and juice. Afterwards, Spencer wanted chocolate milk in his sippy cup while we read the bedtime story. I told him that if he said "milk," I would get it for him. No way! He pointed and grunted for the chocolate milk again... I repeated myself... "KABOOM!" Needless to say, the tantrum only lasted 10 minutes! Not the usual 20-45 mins. I told him that I would still read him a story but he just had to say "milk" in order to get the milk. Still not a sound. So... we read the book and went to bed.

This morning, S wanted to take his DS to the babysitter. My husband said, "If you say DS, I will get it for you." (whine, cry, whimper) The pointing continued, more urgently this time. My husband repeated himself again... "KABOOM!" After about 10 mins, my husband calmly picked up my son, his shoes/coat/hat, and walked him to the truck to go to the sitter. He says that about a mile down the road, he stopped crying and was fine going into the sitter's house.

The key to all of this, I know, is for us to be consistent. And it's easy to be, so long as we don't have our other two boys, wining, crying, whimpering at the same time as well... this causes my hair to stand on it's end!!

For now, we'll stick with step one. I will say that I have never encountered such a strong-willed little person in my entire life! I wonder where he gets it?