Shouting from the roof-top

We FINALLY got a call from the Paediatrician's office last night! Whoop Whoop!! I'm so excited. We are scheduled for Monday, May 11 @ 1pm. I couldn't possibly be more thrilled. Well, I'd be thrilled to get a call from the clinical psychologist's office as well... but at least we're going to be able to talk to SOMEONE who may be able to help guide us through this.

Big news for tomorrow as well. We are going to a seminar to hear Dr. Ross Green speak. He is the author of "The Explosive Child" http://www.explosivechild.com/books/index.html. I've started to read his book and it is very interesting. This is big news for this little town to have such a renowned person visit us. He has a PhD from Harvard and is apparently a phenomenal speaker/teacher/psychologist. I will definitely comment on this afterwards.

So today I'm going to bask in the glow of happiness... I may even make some money today. Throughout this whole journey with S, I have also been looking for another job so that I can be home more in the evenings and have a more "scheduled" life. I think that is key for Spencer right now. I have put the perfect job posting on my vision board and am willing it to happen. I've had a picture of the Statue of Liberty on my vision board for two years now and my friend Jen and I and three others are planning a trip to NYC in October! This will be my first time. I'm pretty psyched. For those who aren't familiar with what I'm talking about... you have to read The Secret. Visit http://www.thesecret.tv/movie/trailer.html

OMG - I just got a call from our Realtor... we are also in the process of selling our cottage. There is an offer coming in... I'm psyched. This will relieve a lot of stress if we can get this sold!! The sunshine just keeps coming!

It seems like every month this year has brought about SOMETHING stressful to our lives: January - my husband dislocated and broke his shoulder and was out of work for 6 weeks. February - our basement flooded. March - Spencer stopped talking. April - we're dealing with everything and list our cottage for sale. May - the turn-around... We are going to sell our cottage, get help for Spencer and I'm going to get a new job. I said to a friend back in February (after the 2nd event), "something good will come out of this, I just know it." And I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. Staying positive is the key.

Okay - enough ramblings from me for the day!

Cheers!

Thank you Candice! I have been awarded the Zombie Chicken Award! LOL

Zombie Chicken Award reads:
“The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all..."

This makes my day!! :)

The doors are beginning to open

In my search for answers, we were fortunate enough to talk to the principal at my oldest son's school about the things that were going on with my middle son, S. When he learned of the issues, he asked if I would mind him contacting the school psychologist and asking her a few questions. In a conversation with him yesterday, he advised that the psychologist would be willing to speak with me and he gave me her phone number. I immediately hung up the phone, called her office and left a voice mail message for her to phone me back. She called last night and we spoke at length about the issues that we were facing. She was so sincere and helpful. She has referred me to a clinical psychologist who has a private practice and deals with children from ages two and up. This tightening in my chest is slightly releasing. I don't care how much it costs, I just hope that we are able to speak with him soon. After the meeting with mental health yesterday and the frustration of all of the "red tape" that you have to go through to get help, I was feeling like this was going to take us forever. Can you imagine what it must be like for those who don't have anyone to help them get into contact with the right professionals? In the beginning, I didn't want anyone to know what was going on because I didn't want anyone "talking" about our family... we live in a really small town. Now, I realize that the more you talk to people, the more information you get and the more opportunities for doors to be opened.

I have submitted an online request for an appointment with the Clinical Psychologist and will wait until tomorrow... if I don't hear anything from his office, I will then make a phone call. I'm not sure what the turn-around time is, but it can't hurt to add a little persistence on my end.

We also got a phone call from the paediatrician's office yesterday, asking if we had gotten any results from the EEG. We haven't and neither has the paediatrician. Hopefully this will prompt their office to make a phone call to the EEG Dept. at the hospital where the procedure was completed. If not, I will make a very friendly phone call by noon on Friday to see if anything has been sent off or received by the paediatrician's office. I am also going to ask to be put on the cancellation list to see the paediatrician. As per the conversation with her office yesterday, we are now looking at the second week of May. Which is MUCH better than the end of June/early July!!

I'm trying to hold on as tightly as I can but OMG!! The stress is really getting to me! My mind is going crazy, I can't focus on my work but it stresses me out to be home and not able to speak to my little boy! I can't constantly talk to him about this behavior because if it is an attention-seeking behavior, I don't want to add "fuel to the fire." It's so hard to know what to do!!

Mental Health Intake

Today was our first "official" visit to Mental Health for S's Intake. The morning started off kind of rockey as he didn't want to leave the house at all. After some persuasion and bribery, we got out the door. When we got to the office, he didn't want to go inside so I had to carry him in. Once inside, we were able to get him to relax and look at some pictures on the walls, etc. When we were notified that the mental health worker was ready to see us, we proceded to her office. Down the long corridors, I had to carry S as well... he wasn't budging. Inside of the office it was very serene and inviting. Very homey, not sterile like the hospitals. It was very comforting. It took a few minutes but Spencer very quickly warmed up to the situation and started playing with the wooden train set.

We spoke with the mental health worker, we'll call her Ann, as S played. The whole intake process took about an 1.5 hrs. I guess I was hoping that we would get some answers from this but the only thing we did find out was that the information that Ann gathered today would be presented to a team of mental health professionals, who would then assess whether he should be seen by someone on a regular basis. They do however have a wait list! Surprise! Don't they all!! You can pay out of pocket for professionals, ie. child psychologists, etc., but mental health services are free... therefore, wait lists are very long. The severity of the stituation will determine just how quickly you get to see a professional. I'm sure that there are other children on this list with much more severe situations than ours, so who knows when we may get a chance to see someone! Everyone talks about how terrible it is in the US to not have medicare, but OMG!! To live in Canada and have to wait for 1 - 2 years to see someone?? When you are in a situation where all you want to do is help your child and figure out what is going on with them and you have to wait that long, it kind of defeats the purpose of being proactive and nipping things in the bud before they get any worse! I'm certainly going to look at other alternatives and possibly pay for private help!! We do have additional insurance coverage that would help cover the costs of any additional help... thankfully. So now I am on a journey to find someone else who may be able to help us. Child psychologist, psychiatrist, anyone!!

If this is all a big game for S... there has to be a reason for it. I read this analogy the other day.... Children love to stand at a lake and throw rocks into it because they see that their throwing rocks creates an effect and it's something that they can control - they see a big splash in the water. When children see that their actions create an effect with their parents, ie. temper tantrums, certain behaviors, etc., it makes them want to do it even more because it is something that they can control and they are getting a "splash" out of their parents. Whether it be attention seeking behavior or what have you, they can see that they are controlling this situation. I have tried ignoring the fact that S isn't speaking to anyone, I've tried discipline, I've tried bribery, I've ignored again... I've tried to get someone else to look in on the situation and help me learn how to deal with it - help me help him!! I feel like the brakes keep getting put on and we are not getting any results! We can't keep moving forward because we keep hitting a brick wall!! Just when you think you're finally able to talk to someone and you repeat the behavior that's been occurring for the last two months or more, to, what feels like, the 20th person - NOTHING! You leave feeling like you haven't accomplished any more than you would have if you just bury your head in the sand and pretend that nothing is going on. I'm disturbed by this!

Could he be playing me??

Well, yesterday I was home with the boys all day. A was in school but Baby O & S stayed home with me because the early intervention worker was coming for her bi-weekly visit. The visit went well and she did help me with some ideas for dicipline. We have a terrible case of jelousy between S & Baby O which is constant.

We are now approaching the four week mark of S not speaking a word to anyone. He has started something new though... he is changing how he communicates in that he is making strange noises with his throat. Like he's trying to talk but is keeping his mouth closed so that nothing comes out. Strange, quirky behavior! I think he's a very strong-willed little boy who "can" speak but "won't" speak! I think that perhaps we are not giving as much attention to him and the fact that he is not speaking... we are acting as though nothing is going on at home and ignoring the fact that he is not talking when we are in front of him. I think it's starting to get old so he's trying something new to attract attention. I just don't know how he can go for soooo long without talking. I would go insane!

I hope that I'm not being a totally nieve parent, which I don't think that I am. I sincerley hope that this is a game and that the game ends soon! I've heard of 'selective mutism' which defines children who may speak at home but not in public - it could be a possibility, but he's not speaking to anyone at home or in public. I don't know... I feel like I'm going in circles here. I must say, being home all day yesterday with the kids was stressful because of the communication barrier. How on earth am I going to get through to this little boy? I am in desperate need of some help. We have an appointment with a Mental Health professional on Monday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something comes from this appointment. If nothing else, they can check on my mental health! :)

Friends keep telling me that I'll look back on this 10 years from now and laugh... I'm not so sure. I certainly have to start getting this behavior on video tape because when this little boy grows up and has children of his own... oh my! I want him to be able to reflect on this time that we are having with him right now!! Maybe I will laugh... maybe I'll cry. Who knows.

EEG Completed... now what?

Well, yesterday we went for S's EEG. It was a very hard experience for him initially. We went to MacDonald's Play Place first... just to play him out a little, have some fun, etc. The hype was that we were taking him to the hospital where he was born and maybe we would see some new babies while we were there. Then we were going to talk to some doctors who were going to look to see if they could "find his words." He didn't think this was such a great idea. All went well until we were walking through the parking lot and he hit his head on a mirror on a parked car. 3.5 yr olds are just the right height for those darned things! Anyhow, once we kissed the boo boo, we set off through the parking lot again. This time though, mommy had to carry the big guy. Once inside, there was much resistance. Spencer was looking through his back-pack filled with goodies and wanted the chocolate egg that he had put in there that morning. Because he wasn't allowed to have chocolate before the procedure, I had taken it out of the bag when he wasn't looking. Well... let me just say, we did not have a happy camper after that. I answered the questions at the Admitting Dept., while my DH held Spencer. We then tried to procede down the hallway, which was a bit difficult, but we managed. Once inside the EEG Dept. it took a whole lot of persuading but again, we managed to get Spencer comfortable enough to relax and play with some of the toys that he brought with him.

Then... the Tech came to meet us. Well... this was not fun. Kicking/screaming/crying could be heard throughout the hospital, I'm sure. After about 15 mins of what seemed to be torture (although the procedure does not hurt at all), the electrodes were placed and gauze was wrapped around Spencer's head so that he did not pull the wires off. Once the Tech's left the room, he calmed down and was really content. We read stories, played with Super Mario figurines and even played some Nintendo DS. I must say that 2.5 hrs went by rather quickly and that little boy of mine did extremely well!! I was very impressed. We rewarded the adventure with a new "Cars" DS game which seemed to be very well accepted! Without so many words.

So now we wait. It will be 2 weeks before we hear anything from the pediatric neurologist regarding the findings. Until then... I'll be a nervous wreck! We do have some more appointments scheduled over the next week so hopefully this will help give us some answers to many questions that we have.

This turn of events in our life certainly makes me think twice about asking my kids to stop talking. I long to hear that little boy speak one word! I don't care what it is, just one word would make me feel so much better!

The ball is rolling...

Okay - so I got a call this morning from the EEG Dept. at the hospital. We are scheduled for Monday. I feel like a really large weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I hate that we have to wait another 5 days but it's better than 5 months. The next challenge begins... how on earth do you get a 3.5 yr old little boy to lay still on a stretcher for 2.5 hrs? He can't have a video game to play because it causes too much stimulation and may alter the effect of the EEG. I'm not sure if we will have enough books to read for that long. Perhaps he'll fall asleep after a while? That's if we can even get him to lay down! I've got 5 days to try and figure out how to do this. I'm sure the technicians will have some techniques, but... what do you do with a child that has a hard time transitioning into places that are not familiar. It'll probably take an hour just to calm him down enough to hook the electrodes onto his little head! Let's hope they are kid friendly and everything goes off without a hitch.

I sat down and asked S last night, if there was anything I could do to make him feel better. He just looked at me with sad eyes, sat down on my lap and put his head on my chest. I felt so bad for him. He is playing like a normal child, gets mad at his brothers, tries to communicate the best he can, gets excited about things at the right times, but when you tell him he can't do something he just looks sad and turns around to walk away. He's not having as many temper tantrums as he had before, it's like he's internalizing his anger. Is it psychological?

I'm feeling a bit better today, mentally, but have decided that I am going to finish up the week here at work, then take a couple of weeks off. I can't focus on my daily work with all of this stuff lingering over me. My career is a stressful one on a normal day... add this to the mix, it's like a snowball effect. All I can do is hope for strength to get through each day.

Day 16 - still nothing!

Well, it has now been a little over two weeks and we haven't had any words spoken by S. I am at my whits end... I don't know which way to turn. I am so frustrated with our medical system and the wait times to get in to see "professionals" who may be able to give us some insight on what is happening here.

Easter weekend was uneventful. We did the usual baskets/egg hunt but all-in-all, it's hard to keep your spirits up for the other kids when you have one that is seemingly under so much stress... wait, maybe that's me. I wish I knew what I could do to help this little boy. All I can do is hug, cuddle and love him. What else can I do? Is this a battle of wills? or is it something more?

Have you ever begged your kids to START talking, instead of stop?

Well... life is certainly crazy in my house on most days with three boys and both my husband and I working full-time. However, lately, things are even crazier. My middle son, S, has been prone to temper tantrums that could last anywhere from 5 mins to 2 hours... depending on the day. He could then go for 2 hrs without speaking to anyone afterwards. All of a sudden, he would come up to you and say, "I all done now." He would be fine and you would never know that anything was wrong. Well... he has now decided that he will take this "not talking" thing, a little further. He is now on day 11 of not speaking to ANYONE! He's not talking to the kids at the sitter, his siblings, his mother, his father, his buddy "Dog." I am about ready to lose my mind! How a little boy who is 3.5 yrs old, can just turn it off like that is beyond my comprehension!

Yes, I have gone through every event that has occurred in the last few months, replaying everything in hopes for an answer. I cannot explain it. We've had some concerns with S in the past. Just little quirks. His temper, frustration, inflexibility, etc., have been concerns, for sure but other than that, he is the sweetest, most lovable, polite little boy you could ever meet. He walks on his toes, his speech is a little choppy and he has some nice little ways about him that are unique. We have consulted with our family doctor who btw gave me three different (unofficial) diagnosis all in a matter of a 4 wk time frame (I'm not liking her much these days). We've been referred to a neurological pediatrican, who we can't get in to see until June/July. Wonderful system. We have contacted our local Public Health office who has gotten the ball rolling for us now that we have a little boy who hasn't spoken for going on two weeks... I'm LOVING them right now!! Thank You! We have intervention workers who are monitoring his actions/behavior... again, thank you... but I'm a little concerned with the fact that they can't really help with a diagnosis... just that hmm... "he's a mystery." All professionals are very intrigued by his unique way of being able to just turn off his words and not use them for days on end! When we know he could talk if he wanted too... or? Maybe he can't? This is what I need to know!

I talked in my first blog about needing to write for therapy. Well, this is my reason. I am trying to remain patient and feel much better when I express my feelings through writing. Any suggestions are welcome... I'll continue to blog as we venture through this journey/mystery.

And then there were three.

I will begin with a short history. At the age of 28 I became the mother of three wonderful bouncing baby boys. My oldest was 4 and my middle guy was 18 months old when baby boy number three arrived. Let me just say... the sleep deprivation didn't just begin upon the arrival of number three.

My oldest son A, now age 7, slept through the night at 8 weeks of age! Holy Cow! I now know that this is an amazing milestone because it's been unheard of ever since. And let me tell you... I didn't do anything differently with baby #2... he just wouldn't sleep! S was the happiest baby in the world during the day... for the most part; a monster at night! Finally, at 20 months... about 2 months after we brought our third son, Baby O, home from the hospital, S slept through the night. It wasn't until a year later that Owen finally slept as well. I cannot admit that to this day I do not get woken up in the night by at least one, if not all of them. I wonder now what I did with all of my rest before having children. I can't imagine that I ever complained about being tired! I am exhausted now but cannot complain because there just isn't enough time for that! You hear people talk about being sleep deprived, not being able to clean the house or even take a shower when they have kids but you really don't know the extent of it until you have children of your own. Before children it's like you magically think that it's not going to happen to you... for some reason, those "other" people, just aren't doing it right. Do you ever remember making the comment, "if that were my child, I would..." HA! What a joke. If you only knew what you really WOULD do, you wouldn't even make that comment!

Fortunatley, I have been blessed with three healthy boys but am now beginning to see that it's not just health issues that we have to worry about. It's developmental issues, social issues, etc. Your life can still be turned upside down if you don't know how to deal with certain personality differences in each child! Who knew that three children, made from the same mould, could be so different? Parenting is now, if it wasn't already, starting to be very difficult. I applaud any mother who is doing her best to take care of her children. I certainly applaud any mother who has more than three because I do not know how they can manage! Please fill me in on your secret to success!!

Another motherly issue... weight gain! Ugh! I honestly didn't know that my body would look like this after having a baby! I've always been able to lose weight rather quickly... if I set my mind to it! Well... that is no more! Who knew? It's another of those "superwoman" mentatilties perhaps... "that will never happen to me!" Oh well... let me tell you... it has.